Halfway To The Stars
by Just Canceled
Summary: Derek's having trouble sleeping. Casey wakes up crying. Who's comforting who, here? Slight Dasey, some Angst. Past CxS.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Halfway To The Stars

**Series**: Life With Derek

**Summary**: Derek's having trouble sleeping. Casey wakes up crying. Who is comforting who, here? Slight Dasey, some Angst. Past CxS.

**Chapters**: oneshot

**Rating**: T (13+)

**A/N**: WARNING: minor character death.

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Derek stood, dressed only in his boxers, staring out his bedroom window. His heavy curtains that blocked the unwelcome sunlight every morning had been pushed aside, allowing the full moon to shine down on him. Sighing softly he looked up at the stars and opened the window. The hot summer air rushing into his already warm bedroom, making his skin slick with sweat. His mind was not giving him peace tonight, making him remember things best left to the wind. To be blown along, leaving no trace.

It was hard to believe that it had been a year already, since his father had remarried, since he gained two new stepsisters. A whole year of living with Casey. Casey, the beautiful and intelligent step-sister he had never wanted. Or at least, never wanted as a sibling. He was older now, only by a year chronologically, but he was not the foolish and carefree boy he had once been. Too much had happened, he had seen, no _felt_, too much for his seventeen years.

Only eight months ago Casey had began dating Sam, Derek's best friend. Only four months ago Sam had been sent to the intensive care after sustaining injuries in a car accident. And only two months ago, after weeks of lying in a coma, Sam had been defeated by the pain.

The funeral had been one of the saddest moments of Derek's life, watching as his best friend was laid into the ground, never to be seen again. And Casey…Casey hadn't stopped crying for a week. She had never given up hope, and with every tear she cried, Derek could only watch helplessly. She had barely eaten the first week, barely slept, and barely moved. She had just sat in her room, curled into a tiny ball on her bed, and wept until she fell asleep.

And Derek was broken.

But slowly, Casey came back to life. By the second week, she was eating normally again, moving about the house, even watching television from time to time. By the third week, she resumed her duties around the house, cleaning, studying, and being Casey, but Casey without a smile. Derek had left her to her peace, to her mourning until the fourth week. That was the week Casey smiled, a small smile, but a smile nevertheless when Derek told her that he was there for her.

By the sixth week Derek finally admitted to himself, that he loved Casey, that he had loved her since they met, he just hadn't known. He admitted he loved her, but that love had changed, along with both of them, with the death of Sam. His love was deeper now, but tainted and impure, just like he had allowed himself to become. He vowed to himself to try and make Casey happy again. They hadn't fought in four months, barely spoken until recently. Derek had confessed to Casey that he felt changed, more like a man than a child. Casey had only agreed saying only, 'You have changed Derek, look in the mirror, and you can see it.'

So he had, he stared into the mirror, trying to find out about this new person who was staring back at him. His eyes, once glittering and mischievous, were more subdued but held more strength. His face, once boyish in its simplicity, was now darker, brooding but more intense. His hair had grown, he hadn't thought about a hair cut in quite a while, it now hung down, covering his powerful stare. He decided he liked it longer, and kept it that way.

He had then thought about Casey, how she had changed. Her eyes, he supposed, were no longer alive, there was finality about her gaze that screamed of her empty soul. Her face was more refined, dignified, as if she had decided to conquer death with stoicism. If one did not look closely enough to see the pain etched into all of her features, they would mistake her for being detached and unfeeling. But Derek knew that wasn't the situation. They were no longer children.

Derek was no longer a child, he was a man. And he wanted Casey as a man wants a woman, though he hated himself for it, he wanted her. But he was stronger now, and wouldn't give in to his bestial impulses. He loved Casey, and he always would, so he would wait.

Derek shut his open window and turned away, grabbing a fresh pair of boxers and a pair of thin pajama bottoms, he made his way to the bathroom, hoping a cool shower would refresh him. He showered quickly, his skin rapidly cooling from scorching to glacial in a matter of moments. But at least he was no longer sweaty.

Sneaking past Casey's door on the way back to his room, he paused, hearing the tearful sounds creeping from under her door. He had seen her shed so many tears, he couldn't bear another moment of her pain. He slowly opened the door, revealing himself in the doorway.

"Casey?" he called out lightly. The only response was more tears. He moved closer to her, sitting beside her, he gently brushed her hair out of her face. Seeing her tear streaked face, he realized she was still sleeping, Stuck in a never ending nightmare of reality. He gently shook her awake. "Casey, it's ok, it's me, Derek." Her sobs stopped briefly, as she hiccupped, then resumed.

"I wish I could make the pain go away, Casey, but I can't." She sobbed into his arms, as he pulled her close.

"I loved him."

"I know. He was my best friend, I miss him too."

"You don't understand…I loved him…I don't anymore….that's not what is supposed to happen."

"That's not true, Casey. Love doesn't go away, it just changes forms. You love him like a memory now. I think…that maybe, it's time for you to start to move on." She sniffed into his shoulder.

"What then?" Derek was confused, and let out a soft 'huh?' before Casey continued. "What happens after I move on? What if I can't?"

"Casey…you'll find someone else, someone who you will cherish all the more because you know how quickly they can be gone. You'll hold on to them with all you have, because, in the end, there isn't much else you can do."

"How do I go on, Derek. I miss him, but I've accepted that he's gone. I'm so lost, and I have no one to turn to, because the one person I could go to with my problems is gone. Gone…"

"I'm still here, Casey. You know I'm here for you. I will be, for however long you need me." She just hugged him tightly. "Casey, I…care about you. I don't like seeing you in pain."

"I'm sorry." He pulled back to look at her.

"For what?"

"For forgetting you lost your best friend. I'm sorry for being so weak to disregard your own pain. I'm pathetic." She dropped her head on to his chest.

"No you're not." He tilted her head up to look her in the eyes. "You are not pathetic. You are in pain, so am I. I loved Sam like a brother. You loved him like a girl loves a boy. You are not weak for feeling pain over his death. I don't care about myself, Casey. All I care about is you."

"Derek…" she breathed, her face so close to his own that her breath tickled his nose. She leaned farther forward, in an attempt to forget the pain. But Derek pulled away.

"I…I won't take what you're not ready to give." She looked hurt. "It's not the right time, Casey. And I don't think I'm the right guy for you." More tears came to her eyes, and being upset that he caused them made him blurt out his true feelings. "Believe me, Casey, I want to kiss you. I love you, I always have, but this can't happen."

"Why not?"

"Casey…" he growled in his throat. "Don't tempt me. If I kiss you now, you'll hate me tomorrow. I won't take advantage of you; I don't want you to compare me to Sam for the rest of my life."

"Derek…you're not Sam. I know that. Sam was wholesome, innocent. You're…I don't know what you are Derek. But I do know, you're not the boy you were four months ago. You're not a boy anymore, you're a man."

"And you're not a little girl anymore. Your innocence has been shred, but what remains still glows. I can't corrupt that, Casey. You're too beautiful for words, even with your hair a mess and your face red from crying."

"Derek," She sighed, "I'm tired of fighting you. Just promise me, that you'll always be here for me, as a friend, and maybe, one day, as something more."

"You know I'll always be here. I promise, Casey, that if one day, in a few months, when your heart isn't as sore as it is now, I'll still be here, as your friend, and maybe more."

"Thanks, Derek." She yawned, covering her mouth with her hand. "I'm tired."

"So am I. Go to sleep."

"Derek…hold me? Please?" He nodded and slipped his arms around her, her head resting on the pillow below his chin. She was quickly asleep.

Looking down at her peaceful face, he whispered into the still air.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

**End A/N**: Yes, I killed Sam. I had originally planned on Sam committing suicide after Casey broke up with him…but decided against it. I wanted angst, not melodramatics. Anyways, hope you liked it. Let me know what you thought. I might make a sequel to this, or I might not. I'm not overly happy with it. I've been writing way too much angst lately. I hope to write a happier fic soon.


	2. Sequel

Chapter Two--Sequel

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Six months had passed since Derek had told Casey he loved her. Six months. She had to heal from the dark memories of Sam's death. Derek really didn't know if Casey really cared for him or if she would have sought comfort from any warm male body that night. He shuddered at the thought.

Derek sat still as stone, in the early morning light of the kitchen. The cold air surrounded him. Why did January have to be so cold? The light dusting of snow that had begun to fall the night before had turned into almost six inches overnight. The radio had cheerfully announced that there wasn't going to be any school today. Derek stood up slowly and glared out the kitchen window. The suns weak beams weren't blinding yet, flickering across the snow, but they would be soon.

Derek just went back upstairs; there was no need to be up this early in this cold. He just climbed up the stairs, pausing, as he always did, at Casey's door. No sound, but he peeked in anyway. Casey wasn't asleep, though, and glanced at the door, laying aside the book she had been reading.

"Derek? You need something?" She asked gently. He shook his head.

"Just letting you know we don't have school today." His eyes wouldn't rest on her face, but browsed through her room.

"Anything else?" She asked. Derek shook his head again and left the room. Casey just picked up her book again, resisting the urge to call him back, to embrace him and assure him that everything was going to be okay. He had done that for her, but no one had done that for him. He was terribly alone, she knew. She could see it in his dark eyes.

Derek walked into his room and without even stopping and crawled back into his bed, which was amazingly still warm. He sighed, almost contentedly and fell back to sleep. A few hours later, he was rudely awoken my Marti jumping on his bed. Stifling a groan he turned to glare at her.

"Yes, Smarti?" He forced through gritted teeth. Marti just grinned at him.

"Smerek, I'm going to daycare!" Derek did groan at this point.

"And why are you going to daycare?" He was once again grinding his teeth.

"Because Lizzie and Edwin have to go to the tooth doctor." And with that she hopped away and out the door. But Derek was, to his disappointment, now wide awake. He marched downstairs to find Nora in the kitchen making breakfast. His stomach grumbled in response.

"Nora, why is Marti going to daycare?" Nora turned to face him, after flipping the eggs out onto a platter.

"Because Lizzie and Edwin both have dentist appointments that can not be rescheduled again. And I don't want to force you or Casey to watch Marti. Somehow she's already had four cookies this morning." Derek nodded.

Almost a whole day with Casey. Not that he didn't want to see Casey, he was just afraid of what was to happen when they left alone. But Marti after four cookies was worse then an atomic bomb.

"All right. How much longer to…" his stomach rumbled, emphasizing his point, "…breakfast."

After sitting down and proceeding to stuff himself full of biscuits, eggs, sausage and bacon, as only a teenage boy can do, he stood up, slowly making his way upstairs to get dressed for the day.

It was to his great relief that he didn't see Casey all morning. It wasn't until around three that he began to worry. The light snow had become heavier; making it impossible for even Nora's large SUV could get through.

Nora called at five, saying that she had gotten a hotel room at the hotel next to the dentist's office, and that Marti was staying with Mrs. Dewberry, the lovely old lady that owned the daycare. George, who liked to be prepared, was staying in his office, on the fold out couch.

That just left Derek and Casey.

After he had gotten off the phone, with promises of taking care of Casey, and assuring Nora that he knew where the kerosene heaters were, in case the power went out, he went upstairs to talk to Casey. He knocked softly on her door.

"Casey, Nora called. Everyone is stuck out, the storm got too bad. It's just you and me tonight." Casey, who was once again reading only nodded. Then the lights flickered. They were lit for now, but it was nearing dusk, and the dark clouds only made it darker outside. The second time they flickered, Derek just ran downstairs.

He carefully set up the kerosene heaters in the living room, all three of them, in a triangle shape. He also sat aside the flame retardant; he wasn't going to burn down his house just to stay warm.

Dragging the spare blankets out of the hall closet, as well as the lantern and a couple of flash lights with extra batteries. Grabbing all of the snack foods out of the pantry that didn't have to be cooked, he quickly settled in to make a happy nest for himself on the couch, complete with iPod and Gameboy.

Right as he was about to flip on the television, to watch whatever he could before the power went, the lights flickered again, then again…and didn't come back on. Quickly grabbing an available flashlight he headed up the stairs to find Casey.

Casey was huddled on her bed, shivering, not with cold, but fear. Casey hated the dark. She flinched and hid under the covers when she heard Derek's heavy footsteps in the hallway. He called out to her, sweeping the beam of light across her room.

Seeing her huddled in her blankets he reached out to her, startled when he saw she was crying. Knowing of her fear, he quickly picked her up, bridal style, along with the book she was reading and another one on her nightstand.

Carrying her down the stairs was tricky in the dark, but he managed, never stumbling. Settling her onto the oversized couch, he quickly lit all three heaters and the lantern. Seeing her relax as the room filled with a soft, but ever present light, gave him comfort.

He quietly joined her on the couch, spreading the blankets out over them both, then pulling her towards him, letting her lean upon him once again in her time of need.

"Derek." Casey mumbled into his chest, "You really need to stop doing this. You don't have to be strong for me, I'll survive." Derek sighed.

"I like being strong for you. I want you happy, Casey. I've never said otherwise." Casey snuggled into his well-built chest, sighing.

"Do you still love me, Derek? We haven't talked about that since that day. It's been six months, Derek. I know my own heart now." Derek just glanced down at her.

"You sure?" She nodded. "I still love you, Casey. I couldn't stop, even if I wanted to."

"Derek…Sam was a terrific guy, a wonderful boyfriend. And I loved him, still do. But you were right when you said I loved him like a memory. Because that is all I have of him, Derek. It doesn't sadden me, anymore. I'm just happy to have known him."

"So…you've moved on?" Casey nodded.

"I loved him, past tense, never coming back. Loved." She stared into his eyes. "Derek, you're always going to be there for me, no matter how I love you; like a friend, brother, or even lover, you'll be there for me. That is the greatest feeling, knowing that."

"I couldn't leave you, Casey. Somehow you've wormed your way into my heart, there to stay. I love you, and although it kills me to not have you love me back, I'll always love you."

"I never said I didn't love you, Derek. I do, I really do love you."

Derek surprised and full of hope selected his words carefully. "Friend, brother or lover?"

Casey only smiled, a true smile, one that reached her eyes. She looked so young, so innocent in only the flickering light, that his breath caught.

"All three, Derek. All three."

And this time, when she tried to kiss him, he didn't pull away.

**A/N**: This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I knew I couldn't leave it at the last chapter. Thanks for reading and for all my wonderful reviewers who have already reviewed, and for those who will review (hopefully) in the future.


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